He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
