I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
