We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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