ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
