I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
