so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
