my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
