I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
