I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
