I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
