You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
