it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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