I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
