my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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