tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
