I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
