I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
