I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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