I heard we made out
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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