he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize