Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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