Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
