She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want to be your penis for a week.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize