You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
