She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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