dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
