Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
