mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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