Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
