I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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