it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
