I'm lost and stupid without you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
