Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
