you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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