I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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