Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
