i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
