On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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