70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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