Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
