If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
