Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
