The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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