do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
this hospital has no fireball
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
