so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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