Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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