That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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