my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
