remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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