***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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