So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
