I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
