Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We are two peas in an std pod
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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