Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
