Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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