I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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