so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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