We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
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I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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