And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
