My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
