I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
