So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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