I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think weed is turning my hair brown
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
