So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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