im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....