i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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