I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
