Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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