i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize