I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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